bottoms up.

If there's one thing that I'm good at, it's air hockey. (number 26 in the world... thanks.) That being said, it should be pointed out that I am, therefore, pretty much good at nothing. Being good at air hockey is pretty much like being good at masturbating: chicks most definitely aren't impressed, and dudes couldn't really give a shit, but it's fun, so you keep doing it.
Anyhow, the other thing I like to devote time to is getting drunk after work and on weekends. and so, ladies and germs, I present you with...

THE FAST ACTION GUIDE TO GETTING HAMMERED IN ATLANTA. Part One.


The Universal Joint, Oakhurst

God knows I spend a lot of time at this place. But, in my defense, it's wicked close to my house, and it has ended up as my default destination when I don't really feel like making a big production out of grabbing a beer or two... or eight. Anyhow, they have a decent patio and... uh. Lots of families and lesbians hang out there, and I like to pretend that they all glare at each other and seethe over each others' lifestyle. They probably don't though. Since beer is unreasonably pricey there, the best way to roll through that place (I have found) is to bring a bag and hit up the 'hop-n-shop' located conveniently behind the place and supplement bought beers with bag beers.

Unofficial fast action correspondent 'weird beard' works there. photo artfully 'vignetted' to protect identity.



The Brewhouse 'Cafe', Little Five Points

I have always had a love/hate relationship with this place. On one hand, they have a kickass patio right on Moreland Ave. This makes for awesome spring afternoons spent drinking beers while watching suburban dorks laden with bags of shit from Junkman's Daughter, shitty squatter kids trying to scare money from said suburban dorks, and bums and very-soon-to-be bums who will recite shitty 'poetry' to you for a dollar.
HOWEVER, the place is also a hugely popular 'football' bar. Not football, football. Football gay. If you end up there at the wrong time, which is completely random since the whole fucking world is retarded over soccer and they always broadcast live games from everywhere, chances are you can kiss service goodbye and replace it with drunk europeans standing on stools and singing Oasis. Eleven dollar buckets of 16s of Pabst are truly the way to roll here, and if you establish yourself a a regular, they'll often throw in a free sixth beer so you and your buddy won't have to fight over the last one.



East Atlanta Restaurant and Lounge.

Don't call it that, though. It's the Earl. Just the Earl. Anyhow, this place is noteworthy more as a music venue than a proper bar, where $2.50 tall boys of Busch will do you just fine. I can't really think of too many negative things to say about the place except that it's always loud, even in the front half, which is separate from the live music.
The back, however, is pretty much one of two places in Atlanta that books good shows. A lot of indie rock stuff pads out the majority of their nights, but i have seen some pretty radical metal shows there, too, in my day. Eyehategod comes to mind. So does Early Man and Skeletonwitch. Oh yeah, enemymine played there too (bitchin').