Sorry. Not a lot of time to devote to the 'blog' today, but i'll post this for your viewing pleasure.
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
Sunday, April 5, 2009
bottoms up.
If there's one thing that I'm good at, it's air hockey. (number 26 in the world... thanks.) That being said, it should be pointed out that I am, therefore, pretty much good at nothing. Being good at air hockey is pretty much like being good at masturbating: chicks most definitely aren't impressed, and dudes couldn't really give a shit, but it's fun, so you keep doing it.
Anyhow, the other thing I like to devote time to is getting drunk after work and on weekends. and so, ladies and germs, I present you with...
THE FAST ACTION GUIDE TO GETTING HAMMERED IN ATLANTA. Part One.
The Universal Joint, Oakhurst
God knows I spend a lot of time at this place. But, in my defense, it's wicked close to my house, and it has ended up as my default destination when I don't really feel like making a big production out of grabbing a beer or two... or eight. Anyhow, they have a decent patio and... uh. Lots of families and lesbians hang out there, and I like to pretend that they all glare at each other and seethe over each others' lifestyle. They probably don't though. Since beer is unreasonably pricey there, the best way to roll through that place (I have found) is to bring a bag and hit up the 'hop-n-shop' located conveniently behind the place and supplement bought beers with bag beers.
Unofficial fast action correspondent 'weird beard' works there. photo artfully 'vignetted' to protect identity.
The Brewhouse 'Cafe', Little Five Points
I have always had a love/hate relationship with this place. On one hand, they have a kickass patio right on Moreland Ave. This makes for awesome spring afternoons spent drinking beers while watching suburban dorks laden with bags of shit from Junkman's Daughter, shitty squatter kids trying to scare money from said suburban dorks, and bums and very-soon-to-be bums who will recite shitty 'poetry' to you for a dollar.
HOWEVER, the place is also a hugely popular 'football' bar. Not football, football. Football gay. If you end up there at the wrong time, which is completely random since the whole fucking world is retarded over soccer and they always broadcast live games from everywhere, chances are you can kiss service goodbye and replace it with drunk europeans standing on stools and singing Oasis. Eleven dollar buckets of 16s of Pabst are truly the way to roll here, and if you establish yourself a a regular, they'll often throw in a free sixth beer so you and your buddy won't have to fight over the last one.
East Atlanta Restaurant and Lounge.
Don't call it that, though. It's the Earl. Just the Earl. Anyhow, this place is noteworthy more as a music venue than a proper bar, where $2.50 tall boys of Busch will do you just fine. I can't really think of too many negative things to say about the place except that it's always loud, even in the front half, which is separate from the live music.
The back, however, is pretty much one of two places in Atlanta that books good shows. A lot of indie rock stuff pads out the majority of their nights, but i have seen some pretty radical metal shows there, too, in my day. Eyehategod comes to mind. So does Early Man and Skeletonwitch. Oh yeah, enemymine played there too (bitchin').
Anyhow, the other thing I like to devote time to is getting drunk after work and on weekends. and so, ladies and germs, I present you with...
THE FAST ACTION GUIDE TO GETTING HAMMERED IN ATLANTA. Part One.
The Universal Joint, Oakhurst
God knows I spend a lot of time at this place. But, in my defense, it's wicked close to my house, and it has ended up as my default destination when I don't really feel like making a big production out of grabbing a beer or two... or eight. Anyhow, they have a decent patio and... uh. Lots of families and lesbians hang out there, and I like to pretend that they all glare at each other and seethe over each others' lifestyle. They probably don't though. Since beer is unreasonably pricey there, the best way to roll through that place (I have found) is to bring a bag and hit up the 'hop-n-shop' located conveniently behind the place and supplement bought beers with bag beers.
Unofficial fast action correspondent 'weird beard' works there. photo artfully 'vignetted' to protect identity.
The Brewhouse 'Cafe', Little Five Points
I have always had a love/hate relationship with this place. On one hand, they have a kickass patio right on Moreland Ave. This makes for awesome spring afternoons spent drinking beers while watching suburban dorks laden with bags of shit from Junkman's Daughter, shitty squatter kids trying to scare money from said suburban dorks, and bums and very-soon-to-be bums who will recite shitty 'poetry' to you for a dollar.
HOWEVER, the place is also a hugely popular 'football' bar. Not football, football. Football gay. If you end up there at the wrong time, which is completely random since the whole fucking world is retarded over soccer and they always broadcast live games from everywhere, chances are you can kiss service goodbye and replace it with drunk europeans standing on stools and singing Oasis. Eleven dollar buckets of 16s of Pabst are truly the way to roll here, and if you establish yourself a a regular, they'll often throw in a free sixth beer so you and your buddy won't have to fight over the last one.
East Atlanta Restaurant and Lounge.
Don't call it that, though. It's the Earl. Just the Earl. Anyhow, this place is noteworthy more as a music venue than a proper bar, where $2.50 tall boys of Busch will do you just fine. I can't really think of too many negative things to say about the place except that it's always loud, even in the front half, which is separate from the live music.
The back, however, is pretty much one of two places in Atlanta that books good shows. A lot of indie rock stuff pads out the majority of their nights, but i have seen some pretty radical metal shows there, too, in my day. Eyehategod comes to mind. So does Early Man and Skeletonwitch. Oh yeah, enemymine played there too (bitchin').
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
Tomorrow, i will be nicer than ever.
some people will tell you i am handsome and rugged. some will call me reckless, with no concern for my well being. some will tell you i have a dumb sense of humor and talk about 'metal' too much. i have been called a dick, a prick, a fucker and a turd. someone once said 'i love you' to me with a straight face, and some say i am retarded.
all of these things are true. and while i can't say how i have come to acquire all of these adjectives over the years, i WILL say that i wear them every day. and i suppose we're all as complex as i am, each of us deserving thorough investigation of our characters before we are to be truly understood by others in this vast world around us.
this is an artist's rendition of my heart.
but i still think sharon osbourne is an asshole.
this is nothing irrational. it seems a small coincidence to me that the instant she took on her role as ozzy's 'manager' the 'prince of darkness' would begin his unfortunate downward spiral from fronting one of the world's most influential bands, to being ridiculed on national television,to this idiotic nonsense...
'i'm... wait... who am i? i want to go home now, i'm 60 years old" p.s. since 1979? you're saying you've become MORE evil post sabbath? or were you the 'fuckin' KING of darkness!' when you were slaying the universe with 'megalomania' in '75? with all of my heart i want to believe the latter.
i'm all for capitalism and 'getting yours', but i kind of think it's about time to let the poor guy ride out his last days with a bit of dignity. sure, it's funny as hell to watch some doddering old, grand mal suffering dude get frustrated by a state-of-the-art remote control, but picking on the elderly is kind of like booing at the special olympics. awesome, but in poor taste. i'll say this in all honesty too. i don't know what old john's day-to-day consists of, but if 'the osbournes' was at all accurate, he most probably just wants to be left alone to reflect upon his life instead of being forced into series of wacky antics by a slightly deranged manager and wife in the name of making a buck. and then there's this...
words.... fail... me... this karaoke nightmare, doubtlessly constructed to give the necessary shot in the arm to kelly o's obviously pointless 'career', topped the charts in the u.k., making ozzy entitled to some sort of record pertaining to length of time between chart-toppers in england. the first time was with paranoid. anyhow, i just want to know if bill and geezer and tony got to reap any royalties. seriously... i can't find the answer to this question anywhere. the album liner notes say nothing more than 'songs arranged by black sabbath' let me know somebody, please. does anyone even read this crap?
*this just in... weirdbeard seems to think that the osbourne estate can claim ownership to all sabbath material prior to 1978. 1982's 'speak of the devil' album might just testify to that fact. fuck you tony iommi.
at any rate, i won't bother going into the who maiden-vs.-sharon-at-ozzfest debacle right now. i am too sad from coming to terms that i suck for missing them tomorrow.
shut up. i hate myself more than you could possibly hate me.
and at the end of all this, who really know anything? maybe sharon's just looking out for the future of her family. maybe ozzy happily agrees to make a fool of himself. maybe kelly and jack possess some wonderful talent that i am too ignorant to comprehend. maybe it's me who is truly the asshole, but i kinda doubt it.
all of these things are true. and while i can't say how i have come to acquire all of these adjectives over the years, i WILL say that i wear them every day. and i suppose we're all as complex as i am, each of us deserving thorough investigation of our characters before we are to be truly understood by others in this vast world around us.
this is an artist's rendition of my heart.
but i still think sharon osbourne is an asshole.
this is nothing irrational. it seems a small coincidence to me that the instant she took on her role as ozzy's 'manager' the 'prince of darkness' would begin his unfortunate downward spiral from fronting one of the world's most influential bands, to being ridiculed on national television,to this idiotic nonsense...
'i'm... wait... who am i? i want to go home now, i'm 60 years old" p.s. since 1979? you're saying you've become MORE evil post sabbath? or were you the 'fuckin' KING of darkness!' when you were slaying the universe with 'megalomania' in '75? with all of my heart i want to believe the latter.
i'm all for capitalism and 'getting yours', but i kind of think it's about time to let the poor guy ride out his last days with a bit of dignity. sure, it's funny as hell to watch some doddering old, grand mal suffering dude get frustrated by a state-of-the-art remote control, but picking on the elderly is kind of like booing at the special olympics. awesome, but in poor taste. i'll say this in all honesty too. i don't know what old john's day-to-day consists of, but if 'the osbournes' was at all accurate, he most probably just wants to be left alone to reflect upon his life instead of being forced into series of wacky antics by a slightly deranged manager and wife in the name of making a buck. and then there's this...
words.... fail... me... this karaoke nightmare, doubtlessly constructed to give the necessary shot in the arm to kelly o's obviously pointless 'career', topped the charts in the u.k., making ozzy entitled to some sort of record pertaining to length of time between chart-toppers in england. the first time was with paranoid. anyhow, i just want to know if bill and geezer and tony got to reap any royalties. seriously... i can't find the answer to this question anywhere. the album liner notes say nothing more than 'songs arranged by black sabbath' let me know somebody, please. does anyone even read this crap?
*this just in... weirdbeard seems to think that the osbourne estate can claim ownership to all sabbath material prior to 1978. 1982's 'speak of the devil' album might just testify to that fact. fuck you tony iommi.
at any rate, i won't bother going into the who maiden-vs.-sharon-at-ozzfest debacle right now. i am too sad from coming to terms that i suck for missing them tomorrow.
shut up. i hate myself more than you could possibly hate me.
and at the end of all this, who really know anything? maybe sharon's just looking out for the future of her family. maybe ozzy happily agrees to make a fool of himself. maybe kelly and jack possess some wonderful talent that i am too ignorant to comprehend. maybe it's me who is truly the asshole, but i kinda doubt it.
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